I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
