my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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