Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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