Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
