Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
