his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
