final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Do vagina's smell?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
