he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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