i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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