if i can run in heels then i can drive
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
