Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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