Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We are two peas in an std pod
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
