I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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