shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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