Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
