my vag is so smooth its legendary
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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