I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
