I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
