Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
