so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
