I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
