Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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