So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
They took my balls.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
