get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
