so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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