you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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