He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
