Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
