She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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