he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
