i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
