i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
