SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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