it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
