i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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