i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
