If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
