You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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