Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
