Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
