Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
