Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
