I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
