is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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