Do vagina's smell?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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