It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
