I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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