I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
