Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
