Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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